Inspiration #28: Sticking With Something

Sometimes sticking with something is much harder than it sounds.  I have a lot of trouble sticking with things, and that can put me in a rut.  But I stuck with these 28 days of blog posts, and look!  I have a lot of new material to expand on in future months.  Hopefully you've enjoyed this little window into my life as well.

Maybe entirely coincidentally, I've managed to stick with a few other things lately, too.  I've played the piano every single day for the past nine days (if I get to 21 it's a bona fide habit, right?).  I've spent the past week being pretty dedicated to sorting through, cleaning out, and generally minimizing stuff around the house.  This may not sound like much, but I often have a lot of trouble moving past the "I should really..." stage, where I spend a day or two on something and never pick it up again.  When I manage to keep up with a pursuit long enough to see the positive results of my efforts, it opens my eyes to a whole new world.  I'm discovering that I actually can play the piano.  I filled the trunk of my car with stuff to take to the thrift store today, and my living space is beginning to look and feel different (better).  I am creating spaces where I feel good about living and working.

Last but not least, four months after National Novel Writing Month began, I'm still writing a novel.  My attention span, combined with my sometimes-crippling perfectionism, make personal investment kind of hard to get out of me sometimes.  But somehow I've kept it going, and I'm connecting the pathways in my brain that know sustained effort can bring really gratifying results.

Hopefully this trend will continue and some months from now I'll be sending my manuscript away in the mail, playing the piano and singing at the same time (far harder than it looks!), and living in a comfortable and uncluttered house.  Wouldn't that be nice?

Inspiration #27: Reading Other People's Writing

No matter what kind of artist you are, it's important to look at other people's work.  This is what our college professors tell us, right?  "You can't create art in a vacuum."  I guess it's true, since I feel absolutely great when I spend time in a moving photography exhibit, listen to someone sing a song, or read a particularly engaging book. It all gives my mind something to chew on.

Today I finally made the four-block trek to pay my $6 library fine so I could once again request inter-library loans (a favorite pastime of mine).  While I was there I visited the fiction section and ran my fingers over the spines, pulling out books that caught my eye.  I made a point of visiting the young adult section, since I'm currently writing a novel with a teenage protagonist and could use a little reference material.  A thick novel called Absolute Brightness won me over with the flamboyant stripes on its jacket and mentioning of Spring Awakening on the back.

First let me tell you: I read the entire 472 pages after returning home from lunch today.  When I began the book I found the prose a little sparse, but I kept reading.  I started taking issue with the way gays and "theater geeks" were being portrayed, but I kept reading so I could at least write a proper review at the end.

But as the plot unfolded, things changed for the protagonist and, consequently, for me.  I cried a bunch toward the middle of the book.  I read the author's bio and found out he's actually an LGBT activist.  Then I realized I'd been seeing through his main character's eyes the whole time -- and no, I don't just mean it was written in first person.  I only put on my writer's hat for a short moment while I wondered how he was going to get us on her side when she was so snarky at the outset.  The rest of the time, I was experiencing everything as she was, prejudices and all.

While I do see how one might find the book a bit preachy and the message too obvious, that might be part of the "young adult" in young adult fiction.  However, I'm very glad to have read it even just for the study of a young person who goes from self-centered and judgmental to compassionate and grounded.  That's exactly what I'm trying to do with my main character, and it's just invaluable to experience how other authors treat that transformation.

I will say, though, that much reading can really make a person's eyes feel puffy!

Inspiration #26: Not Setting an Alarm

Most of the time I'd list setting an alarm and waking up early on a Saturday to write as an inspiration.  However, there's a certain point you reach after working too many long days, inexplicably finding yourself in front of the piano at 11:45 p.m. several nights in a row, and finally ending your Friday evening fast asleep on your friends' couch, that your body just needs to rest.  So instead of pushing myself even further, as I generally want to do, I'm going to take just one day to sleep in and let myself recover from the week.  Wish me luck!

Inspiration #25: Dredging

Almost a year ago, I came up with a big idea for a new photo project.  The subject matter was much more personal and far less pragmatic than my previous photo work, which I'd generally describe as a little quiet and intellectual.  It also tried to take on portraiture, which had never really been an interest or a skill of mine before.

Tackling a personally tough project at the same time as a new style can be a little daunting, and sure enough my lack of that special Avedon-esque touch in my portraits gave me just the excuse I needed to shelve the whole thing.

A week or two ago I got into a conversation that dredged it up again, and today new ideas finally broke free and got me scribbling out notes at the office so I didn't lose my train of thought.  When I got home I wrote for two pages in my notebook about audience, medium, process, and narrative.  The project has gotten big again, but this time I'm feeling really engaged in figuring out how I want to make it happen.

Sometimes an idea seems really good, but it's just not ready.  Did I mention I first came up with the idea for the novel I'm writing now 13 years ago?  Sometimes we realize those ideas weren't so great after all, but sometimes they speak to us in a new and different way when we pull them off the shelf and wipe away the dust.  Hopefully that's what happening now, and I guess time will tell.

Inspiration #24: Let's Stay Together

I couldn't think of an adequate title for this one, so I decided to go the foolproof "reference a favorite song" route.

We're (hopefully!) inspired by our partners in a lot of different ways.  They can feel like our opposite, our twin, or maybe equal parts of both, but they're always there to provide a steady stream of companionship and support.  I had an interesting conversation the other day about how our partners' critique can affect domestic bliss and creative inspiration, but that's another post for another day.  Just suffice it to say, the kind of support I'm talking about is in the pictures below, not necessarily in lengthy analyses of prose or brush strokes.

My husband and I can both be pretty intense about our own personal projects, and sometimes it's important to remember to make time to spend time together as friends enjoying a little down time.  He can forget to eat, I can forget to laugh at jokes...check out these little sticky notes I found during another cleaning spree:

Practical:



Adorable:



Honestly, not sure what was going on here.  Maybe I was forgetting to laugh again?

Inspiration #23: Company

I've been one lonely lady in an empty house for the past few days, but there are a couple things that keep me company.  Playing the piano until the little muscles in my fingers are all sore can be very therapeutic.

Inspiration #22: Purging

I'm the kind of person who can see a pile of stuff that needs to be sorted through, shove it in a corner, and not touch it for two years.  Don't even try to imagine what happened when my parents brought a van full of my childhood possessions to my house and dumped them in the basement.  (Okay, fine, I'll admit it: I haven't really gone down to the basement to do anything but laundry for nearly a year and a half).

On the flip side, we learned all the way back on Inspiration #6 (wow, is this over yet?) that I need a clean, quiet, uncluttered work space.  Also, I secretly pine for a more minimalist life (Inspiration #12).  These are the things I feel I need to be most productive and most creative.

For the past few days I've been possessed by a strong desire to purge these clutter piles from my life, surround myself with smooth, uninterrupted surfaces.  As painful as the purging process can be, I also find it one of the most fulfilling chores I do around the house.  Today I felt extra rewarded by finding a total of $115 in gift cards to Target and Amazon.

Rewards like this are nice, especially when the path to my inspiring, clean, uncluttered work and living space is littered with things like random place cards from my wedding.  Or even better, a screw that, as of December 2, 2007, we can rest assured will never be usable again.  Wonderful.

Inspiration #21: Photo Walks

It's been a long time since I went on a walk with my camera, but today I decided the weather was just too nice not to.  My sister and I went for a stroll up through Roland Park and even saw some budding trees!

Inspiration #20: Entertaining Friends & Family

As much as I love to set my weekends aside for writing, cleaning, and resting, I forget how much I love to arrange special dinner gatherings from time to time.  My dad and sister are in town this weekend, so I invited a couple of friends over to fill out the table and enjoy some food and games with us.  We enjoyed a big tray of lasagna, delicious garlic bread, wine, and a caramel chocolate tart with hazelnuts and espresso for dessert.  Assembling a group of people and cooking for them makes me feel wonderful.  Plus, it's always fun to try a fancy recipe and get out the nice silverware!

Inspiration #19: Friday

Enough said.

Inspiration #18: Making Sure Your Day Job is Fun

I worked 10 hours today, only to come home, make dinner, and spend until midnight straightening up around the house.  Not a lot of fun, and certainly no time to sit down at the piano or work on my novel.  But on a normal day, it's important for an ambitious soul like me to make sure my day job isn't sucking the creative life out of my bones.  Lucky for me, I enjoy the work I do.  Even luckier, I have some friends at the office who make me laugh on a regular basis.

Because everyone knows that when you're in the midst of a hard day, baffled by your own monthly report, and/or wondering how you're going to meet your deadlines, spending five minutes pretending you're on a reality TV show can be exactly what you need to keep going.  That leads to better work, yes, but also to a mood that's much healthier to carry home.

Inspiration #17: Song

Sometimes practicing your best version of Boxcar Racer's Letters to God is all you need to make the day seem great, right?  If I had someone to accompany me I might consider posting a video just for fun -- maybe later in the month, if I decide not to be shy.

Inspiration #16: Synchronicity

I've taken quite a few personality surveys that ask if I enjoy having a wide circle of acquaintances to hit the town with vs. few close friends I can really open up to.  It's true, I'm a very particular person when it comes to friends. My best friends are few but very near to my heart.  One of the great things about them, though, is how sometimes I really feel like we're thinking the same thoughts.  We fill up inboxes, mailboxes, and chat logs.  I've been called anti-social and overly introverted, but that's far from the truth.  These people are one of the pillars that make my life a special place, and I'm always looking for that synchronicity that shows me the connection goes both ways.

Inspiration #15: Return of the Cook-and-Write Maneuver

Inspiration #14: ...This Guy

Yesterday when I wrote about people doing unexpected (and unexpectedly awesome) remakes of popular songs, I thought I might have to share this.  It's from a recent episode of American Idol and might just outdo Paula Abdul's original for me.  I love watching people take risks and pull them off, which is exactly what Andrew Garcia does really well here.

Inspiration #13: YouTube

Throughout most of my grade school career I planned rather intently on getting a performing arts degree.  When I was in ninth grade, I even printed out the application packet for Berklee College of Music so I could practice filling it out, see what they were looking for, and make sure I was prepared when I had to apply for real in a few years.  I read about life in Boston and decided it sounded like the kind of city I'd like to attend school in.

When I found myself in an empty auditorium I would stand on the stage and imagine myself performing in front of thousands of people.  It felt like the one thing I needed in all the world -- not in the way that every 12-year-old wants to be a rock star, but in the way we fine arts people really feel intensely about our craft.  It's our need to create.

How or why that life plan got derailed isn't important here, but I've spent some time in my life since then reconciling my dreams with the reality.  I never went to Berklee, and I'm certainly not performing now.  I do marketing and fundraising for a cool non-profit in Baltimore -- I love it, but one could certainly define it as a "day job" given my background.

But there's something that exists now that we never even dreamed of when I was in high school: social media.  Thinking about my "team sports" post from a few days ago, I feel like all is not lost in terms of being able to share that kind of thing.  I don't need to play in the Philadelphia Orchestra as a career to feel like I've gone down the right path in life.  Like I said, I really do like my job.  I'm working on writing a novel.  I'm doing things that genuinely make me happy.  And if I could be just a little bit like this girl, doing 180 degree reinterpretations of songs and looking unbearably cute and happy, I think that'd be just fine by me.

Inspiration #12: Minimalism

We must first identify what's most important to us, what we're passionate about, what we want to spend our time on. And then we must focus on those things first.

But the distractions. They get in the way of this focusing, no?

-- mnmlist

Sometimes I think I work best with lots of distractions, when multi-tasking and/or facing a lot of demands.  We all went back to work today, and quite ironically that's when I finally felt productive and motivated and ready to work hard on my manuscript.  My life routine helps me focus, helps me prioritize important work -- because I have to.  Too much down time makes me listless, unmotivated.

At the same time, clearing distractions is essential: setting in-game alarms to make me aware of how much time I'm spending logged into World of Warcraft, grabbing my stack of note cards, and really getting ready to work.  The only real progress I made on my editing this week has been when I disappeared to my writing room with my notes and disabled the wireless adapter on my laptop.  No Skype, no Google Talk, no Facebook, no Script Frenzy information pages, no Twitter.  It's then that I worked peacefully and diligently, focusing on the task at hand until my time was up.

 

NaNoWriMo Revisited: Clip #3

Okay, this novel draft(!) excerpt picks up exactly where Clip #2 left off.  I just made some little tweaks to it this evening and I'm not sure what to think about them yet, but decided to share it anyway!

Inspiration #11: Note Cards

Thanks to a suggestion from the internets, I've started writing down ideas on index cards and accumulating a stack for later: things I know about my characters that the reader might not (yet), questions I have about characters' feelings and actions, plot concerns, etc.  At some point I'll play around with sorting them into stacks and finding that strange order that's supposed to reveal itself.

Inspiration #10: Team Sports

I know I just wrote "team sports," but don't run away!  I was sitting at the dinner table tonight looking at my guitar in the corner when I thought -- again -- about how unfortunate it is that I don't play more.  The thing is, playing guitar is sort of like snowboarding.  You can do tons of cool stuff, it's awesome fun, and everyone likes to watch you do it well, but behind the scenes you've got to log a lot of time falling down and not doing so great.


What makes it all worth it to me, though, is being on a team.  During my life I've run three miles every day to be the best I could be on a sports team, endured intense pain playing my violin through a shoulder injury in musicals and operas and orchestra concerts, logged hundreds of hours in World of Warcraft because I like the role I can play in a group with my friends.  


People sometimes call me anti-social, but the truth is when I push myself to excel at something, it's usually because I value my role in a team.  When our high school put on a fantastic performance of Fiddler on the Roof, I needed to feel like a small part of that was because of me.  When we're in a crunch time at the office, I need to feel like my contributions are the best they can be.  I can't see someone on my team struggling with a project without asking how I can help, staying a little late, and maybe stepping a little bit outside my job description.  


Likewise, when I decided to do National Novel Writing Month in November, I made sure I told my friends all about what I was doing.  Their support kept me motivated (no one likes to bring home bad news), and when I had succeeded at this tremendous individual challenge I took the next plunge: I asked for some heavy review/editing from trusted friends who are smart, know what good writing looks like, and most importantly are able to be 100% honest with me about my manuscript.  Now that I feel like more people than just me are invested in this project and its success, failure or giving up is just not an option.  I'll work as hard as I need to to make sure I finish with something truly great.


Now I want to figure out how to bring that spirit back into music and performance.  Opportunities to perform in groups come easy in high school and college, but in the years since graduation I haven't found an engaging group of people I can be close to and make music with.  That personal connection over hours of doing something you love and refining a technical skill is really important to me, and somehow I don't feel like I'm willing to let it get away.  Some of my best friends and best loves have been forged over music. In fact, one of the first ways my husband and I bonded as friends at age 19 was over a piano in the practice rooms at Lehigh University.


The thing is, it's not like I don't have talented friends -- I do.  It's just a matter of figuring out how to bring it all together.  But that's another inspiration entirely, so maybe I'll think more about it tomorrow.

Inspiration #9: Reading Scripts

Today I spent a little time reading scripts online and learning about formatting.  As I'm slogging through my NaNoWriMo manuscript, I'm (surprisingly) looking ahead to Script Frenzy and deciding whether it's something I'd like to do in April.  I'm undecided for a few reasons, including a.) I don't know much about script writing, b.) I'll only have one hand to type with thanks to shoulder surgery, c.) I have my hands full writing this novel, and d.) I don't have any excellent ideas right now.  But at the same time, I would absolutely love to try my hand at writing a stage play.

Writers control novels very closely, engineering the reader's experience from beginning to end.  Scripts are more living documents, left open to a lot of interpretation by actors and directors so the final product is a confluence of many artists' work.  Just like I'd love to get a book published someday, I think seeing a play performed -- even in the world's smallest venue -- would be a great achievement.

The only question is, should I choose this April to start writing?

Inspiration #8: Communication

We've been snowed in since Friday night.  Slowly but surely, this has pushed me to clear out the backlog of emails and notes I've been wanting to send to my friends.  After you hit a certain threshold of playing video games in your pajamas it just has to happen.

Part of this is 100% social, but I've also been thinking more and more about how I might use my friends to research my novel.  Quite a few of my characters have had life experiences that I find very impactful and have seen tangentially, but I haven't actually been through it myself.  Right now these characters are basically likable, but underdeveloped because there are aspects of their lives I need to learn about and understand in greater detail.

So when I'm not pushing for that level 70 milestone in World of Warcraft (really have to reign that habit in), I'm going to be catching up with friends who are far away and -- hopefully! -- learning a bit about my fictional characters as well.

Inspiration #7: Handwriting

Because I love handwriting!  This will be a short post, just to say that as I read through my manuscript (this is a running theme because I've been stuck in the house for days with it) I can't get over how much I love receiving handwritten notes.  From middle school through college, my best friend and I often exchanged lengthy notes and letters in addition to margin notes on each others' writing.  Now that I've gotten that again, it brings me no small measure of joy to decode all those little scribbles.  Somehow it just feels so much better than the much drier, more professional comment feature in Microsoft Word.

Inspiration #6: Quiet, Clean Work Space

Some creative folk can have a messy studio/workshop/whatever space.  Not me.  I have a terrible weakness for clutter, but I make sure it stays out of the room where I do most of my writing.

Last night we got thunder and lightning during a snowstorm.  Scary and amazing and eerie!  It made me extra glad for my little safe haven in the back of the house.

Inspiration #5: Friends

Tonight in Baltimore we're eagerly glancing out the window and wondering how much snow will be on the ground by morning.  Forecasts are calling for a legitimate blizzard, so all signs point to a weekend spent solidly indoors and away from the roads and sidewalks.


Today I was lucky enough to get the first 60 pages of my manuscript back with comments from a friend -- the best way to prepare for some dedicated time inside.  While this kind of peer review can be scary, it is in many ways what I've been trained to do.  Critique -- including critique of work in progress -- is part of being an artist, part of having a fine arts degree.


Skimming over my pages was without a doubt the most inspiring part of my day because the comments in the margins were exactly what I was looking for: the kind of feedback you can only get from someone who is comfortable enough to be 100% honest with you and also willing to think critically about what they're reading.  Creative people don't share works in progress with each other to hear things like "oh, it's really good, you're a really great writer/painter/photographer."  They do it to hear things  like "I don't think this character would have done this" or "your proportions are off -- see how that shoulder doesn't look like it fits with the rest of the body?"


I feel privileged to share my life with people who will provide me the kind of feedback I also love to give: feedback that you have to be ready to take constructively, feedback that makes you realize you're still a long way from the finish line but you have something excellent to work with.  Sure, there's plenty that can be hard to hear, especially when you've already invested a lot of time and energy in a project.  But it's exciting and difficult and ultimately what helps you become better at what you do.  I guess it goes back to that old cliche I hate so much: "you can't create art in a vacuum."

Inspiration #4: Home & Pictures

A while back I stumbled on a photo blog called A Walk Through Durham Township, PA.  Durham Township is right in the area where I grew up -- I guess what you'd call the next town over -- so the photos are all "pictures of home."  I hesitate on whether the photographs themselves inspire me because in a way they're just beautiful pictures.  They're technically gorgeous but don't necessarily push any artistic/conceptual boundaries.  However, I do find myself looking at them to remember what it feels like to be in a place, and I think that's important too, not just how avant-garde or postmodern something is.  I'd guess this blog won "Best American Photoblog" because it captures the spirit of some quintessentially American landscapes, and it's special to me to think I come from just that place.

The blog author seems to value copyright pretty highly so I'm not going to reproduce her images here, but I suggest you check it out at http://www.durhamtownship.com/

Inspiration #3: I Like You

Having silly little crushes on people always makes life more fun and interesting, especially when it's the kind of feeling where you just want to make them a mix CD and talk about music for hours over some Yuengling Black & Tan.

The last time I felt this way about someone I made a playlist and decided not to make it official because that person...well, they wouldn't have loved it in the way I wanted them to.  Anyway, today I was inspired again to make a playlist, sing along to it while making dinner (french onion soup with little toasts and goat cheese, since you asked), and imagine burning it to a CD with a little note attached.  And maybe I will!  If I like you, I've probably made a mix tape for you at some point -- or a mix CD in recent years, since times have certainly changed since the days of painstakingly recording mixes on my boom box.  My favorite music -- and the pieces of it I think you'll love -- is sort of how I explain the finer details of who I am.  And if I've ever really, really wanted to compile a bunch of music and throw it on a CD for you, it means I'd really like for us to get to know each other a little better, I just can't quite find my own words to say so.

Inspiration #2: Kiss Me It's Beginning to Snow

Today felt frustrating at a number of points, and for the most part I was more than happy to hole up inside with some good friends after work and catch up on a few episodes of American Idol.  Maybe the day made me more cynical than I thought, because I refused to believe we were getting a real snowfall until I stepped out the door to catch my cab home.  Then I found myself in the middle of that beautiful snowfall silence that feels like it just stops the world.

Snow inspires me for several reasons.  One, that silence seems to give my heart room to feel and my mind room to think.  I love the winter, love the cold and the snow -- it's just so invigorating!  On another more practical note, there's a distinct possibility our office will experience a snow delay or even a closure tomorrow.  I'm already closing my eyes and imagining waking up and brewing a steaming mug of coffee, wandering around in my bathrobe and PJs, sitting down to a project, squinting at the light reflecting off the snow and shining in my windows.

And lest you think my white balance is off, nighttime snowfalls really do look like this under our streetlights.

NaNoWriMo Revisited: Clip #2

It's time for another excerpt from my NaNoWriMo novel!  I've had to be a little strategic so I'm creating interest rather than giving key plot points away, which is a challenge I didn't anticipate.  Anyway, this is actually only half of the excerpt, so I'll be posting Part Two soon.  Enjoy!  And thank you Oli for picking it out!

Inspiration #1: Old College Try

Over the weekend I started to feel like I was in a little bit of a creative rut.  I think it's easy, as we're focusing on getting to and from work, cleaning the house in the aftermath of holidays and winter vacations, battling flu outbreaks, to forget to just feel inspired on a regular basis.

I used to keep sketchbooks where I'd write down random thoughts and ideas, sketch little abstract figures and designs, and glue in interesting clippings from all over.  Now I tend to keep a writer's notebook that is much more focused if not in subject matter, then certainly in content.  The pages are filled with, well, scribbly writing.  When given license to keep whatever sort of artist's diary I can, I've chosen to be a writer for now.

However, I'd like to use this blog as my sketchbook for the month of February, including one thing every day that inspires me.  It might be a poem, a lyric, a photo from my day, a performance, a joke -- anything.

Today -- as I do many days -- I found myself admiring John Darnielle's lyrics.  He fronts a band called the Mountain Goats, who are somewhat little-known but have a pretty sizable cult following.  My husband hates the Mountain Goats.  A lot.  And I'll grant anyone the truth, that John Darnielle isn't the world's best guitarist or singer, the instrumentations on my favorite songs are pretty sparse, and in general the music may be an acquired taste.  But his lyrics are very honest and literate and descriptive in a way that I feel gets to the very core of his subject matter.  In anything I write, I hope to achieve those passages that can cut through you like a knife -- I think we all do.  Anyway, here are the words to one of my favorite songs by the Mountain Goats: Old College Try from their album Tallahassee.  I particularly love the simile at the end.