Monday, July 12, 2010

Writing Excerpt Time!

I haven't posted a writing excerpt on here for a while, and I thought it appropriate because I've been adding big chunks of content to my manuscript.  Here's something I did last weekend:

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Mariana woke with a start.  Her mind took a few seconds to catch up and remind her where she was.  John’s face remained serene, almost childlike beside her, his lips slightly parted.  Anxiety pushed her awake and she wrested he arm from beneath his shoulders, twisting her neck to see the clock on the corner bookshelf.
“John—“
He stirred, propping himself up on one elbow and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.
“It’s 11:48.”
“When did your mom say you had to be home?”
“Midnight.”
“We’d better get you out of here.”  Before he’d finished his sentence, Mariana had already stood up and headed for the door.  The two of them tip-toed single file through the kitchen and dining room to the front entryway, where John carefully turned the deadbolt and let Mariana walk outside ahead of him.  Next to her car door, she glanced down at his bare feet on the flagstone walk and imagined him walking inside after she left, crawling into bed in his green room at the back of the house.  
“Good night,” he said as he drew his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a long kiss.  “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”  Mariana didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to pick her keys up off the passenger seat and start the engine and drown out the possibility of more words between them.  She breathed deeply and savored the smell of his clothes, Old Spice and a hint of sweat and the particular scent of his house.  But John was already moving to open her door and hold it for her.
“Come on, you’ve only got nine minutes to get home before your mom disowns you and starts cleaning out your room.”
Mariana tried to manage an airy laugh.
“Huh, I wish.”
John ignored her comment and closed the door behind her.
“Good night.  Drive safe,” he said through the open window.  Mariana smiled and wiped the dew off her side view mirror with her sleeve.  Then she shifted into reverse and carefully backed down the driveway, glancing up to watch John walk back across the flagstones to his front door before she accelerated down the road.
She had gotten home in six and a half minutes before, but only once.  Mariana wondered sometimes how she had accomplished it, whether the secret lay in how she took the turns or in her acceleration through the straightaways.  Tonight she had enough time, but just barely enough.  Trees passed by in a silver-green blur as she started to outrun her headlights.  The car felt weightless for a split second as she crested a rise at close to 65 miles per hour, came down hard on the other side, and downshifted around a turn with a jagged outcropping of red shale closing in on her right.
As she descended through the gears and her neighbors’ post-and-rail fence took on a clearer shape in her periphery, Mariana breathed a sigh of relief.  Her car stereo blinked 12:00 just as she turned into the driveway.  The crunch of gravel under her tires urged her to slow her breathing, purge her body of its adrenaline.


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2 comments:

  1. Ooooh - this is good! I think it accomplishes what we talked about - John has a personality now! Congrats. Also, love the phrase "outrun her headlights." Brilliant!

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  2. Thanks! I wrote him another scene last weekend. Maybe I'll post that soon too :)

    I also want to share with you the rest of this chapter (what happens after she walks in the door), but can't decide whether it's blog-worthy.

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