A Video, and Something Unexpected

I may have an office job (albeit in an office that looks and often feels like someone's house), but every once in a while I give thanks for my background and formal education in the arts. It's easy to assume we wouldn't mix well with the business world, but I have a bias for the BFA-holding members of our staff. In many ways, I think that degree unlocks as many secrets to career success as one in business.

Last night, my job gave something back.

My education taught me how to take critique, when to defend, and never to assume a piece is "done" just because I can see the whole thing in front of my eyes. Yesterday morning I thought I had a finished product. Instead, my colleagues got into an argument in my office at 10:30 and ended up telling me to reshoot the first portion, take it home, work it in, and re-render the video. All before the tech run-through for our biggest event of the year at 5:00.

No sweat, right? We managed to get it in a few takes, and I had time to fit it in and do some last-minute editing in time to help everyone else get ready at 3:00.

After going through hell for that video, seeing it projected at the front of the room might have made me cry if it weren't for the guy at the mixing board asking me if I thought the audio sounded good. Suddenly I felt nervous, nervous in the way I used to get before a performance when we had just a few minutes to warm up before the doors opened. We'd cut off in the middle of a phrase and it would be time to get backstage and hope I'd nail the tough parts.

At the end of the evening it felt the same: applause, house lights going up, and a sea of mingling conversation. A few people—always the important ones—finding me in the crowd to tell me it was great.

I don't know if I have the right words for how much I miss that feeling, or how glad I was to realize this was another way I could have it again. Suffice it to say it's the only thing I've ever loved going through weeks of hell for.

But enough sentimental stuff. I know you really just read to the end so you could see the video.



If you'd rather watch in HD just like the computer gods intended, click here.

Seeing, Believing, and Singing a Little Song

Whenever I'm using my sick time I always feel like it should be a special gift, some paid time to just do my thing. Too bad needing time off from work generally means, well...I'm not well enough to work.

As it turns out, recovering from surgery takes a lot out of you.  Noted.  But I've had this entry brewing in Evernote for a week now and I feel like it's time to get back into the swing of things just a little.

While vacationing in Disney World with friends and husband, I decided to audition for the American Idol Experience attraction.  This was one of those spur of the moment decisions that left me too little time for adequate preparation, but I knew deep down I'd be disappointed if I didn't go for it.

The rundown: with no prep time I had to make a safe choice, so the song didn't show off much besides my ability to pick a song I could sing.  Oh well.  More importantly, it was the first legitimate audition room I'd set foot in in at least seven or eight years.  Secretly, I don't think I audition well.  I do well at acting nonchalant all the way until the first note.  Then I have trouble seeing it as just another performance and get a little (or a lot) nervous.

Anyhow, that 30 second spot in front of the casting agent was way important for me.  Sure, she gave me good feedback after -- that my instrumental music background gives me great breath control and a decent ear, but I don't have quite the depth and breadth of vocal experience they're looking for -- but I'd already proven all I needed to.  In that moment, I made myself believe.  I proved I could do it.


Since then I've felt different, better, more inspired to keep at it.  More comfortable with the idea of singing with my friends, making mistakes, starting one of those ridiculous YouTube-based bands that seem to be all the rage.


This is something I've been watching very closely on the real American Idol, too.  I think it could decide who wins the competition.  Conviction and a genuine belief in oneself is perhaps the most important ingredient when you're talking about being an artist -- and probably a successful person, too.  Once you know, accept, and like who you are, once you feel good about putting that out there and being bold, others can't help but believe right along with you.

Inspiration #13: YouTube

Throughout most of my grade school career I planned rather intently on getting a performing arts degree.  When I was in ninth grade, I even printed out the application packet for Berklee College of Music so I could practice filling it out, see what they were looking for, and make sure I was prepared when I had to apply for real in a few years.  I read about life in Boston and decided it sounded like the kind of city I'd like to attend school in.

When I found myself in an empty auditorium I would stand on the stage and imagine myself performing in front of thousands of people.  It felt like the one thing I needed in all the world -- not in the way that every 12-year-old wants to be a rock star, but in the way we fine arts people really feel intensely about our craft.  It's our need to create.

How or why that life plan got derailed isn't important here, but I've spent some time in my life since then reconciling my dreams with the reality.  I never went to Berklee, and I'm certainly not performing now.  I do marketing and fundraising for a cool non-profit in Baltimore -- I love it, but one could certainly define it as a "day job" given my background.

But there's something that exists now that we never even dreamed of when I was in high school: social media.  Thinking about my "team sports" post from a few days ago, I feel like all is not lost in terms of being able to share that kind of thing.  I don't need to play in the Philadelphia Orchestra as a career to feel like I've gone down the right path in life.  Like I said, I really do like my job.  I'm working on writing a novel.  I'm doing things that genuinely make me happy.  And if I could be just a little bit like this girl, doing 180 degree reinterpretations of songs and looking unbearably cute and happy, I think that'd be just fine by me.

What's next?

Now that my summer voice class is over, I feel a need to keep the creative momentum going, find a new challenge right away. What's next? always seems to be the most difficult hump for me to get over, since having a schedule and/or telling people about my creative work tends to keep me pretty accountable.

A few weeks ago I visited the Load of Fun space on North Avenue for work (lucky me!) and found it totally inspiring. Its graffiti alley out back, black box theater downstairs, and warehouse full of studio spaces crystallized a thought in my mind that we really can do anything with our lives. Photographers' studios made me jealous of all their equipment, giant paintings stirred a little urge to create on canvas again, improv theatre groups' spaces made me want to audition for a musical. There was just SO MUCH, it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Okay, I'm telling this story with a disclaimer that I get a little dramatic sometimes.

But really, experiencing many different art forms (or even just art spaces) keeps my blood flowing. I used to love standing on empty stages before or after rehearsals and just imagining all the performances I'd give in my life. Sometimes the reality -- that I'm not doing those things now -- makes me yearn for a time when I could picture myself as anything I wanted. Truthfully, though, I don't think the best parts of the creative world are out of our reach even if we do have day jobs, bills, and adult responsibilities. It's just a matter of answering the question firmly:

What's next?