Where Photos and Life Intersect

Sometimes I like to be on the fringes of life's major events, volunteering to take photos so I don't have to figure out how to involve myself directly. An art degree can be an introvert's best friend.

Other times, documenting an experience with photos feels intrusive. I put my camera away and just watch, trusting my eyes and my heart to preserve the only record. Such was the case as I cared for my cat in the last few weeks of her life.

Sometimes we go through a harrowing time with our partners and the world feels completely closed off, our hearts fusing together and throwing up a shield that mutes the rest of the world for a little while. I never could have predicted how hard today would be. This morning, less than an hour before we left for the doctor to have our cat put to sleep, I turned to my husband and said, "I want a picture of her just like that, with the sun behind her."

And so it was: for the first time since the whole thing began, I wanted to take just one photograph. And in the end, I feel like it sums up exactly how I saw Katie at that moment. When it works, that's what photography does: it takes what your heart and mind are seeing and places it in front of someone else's eyes.

Imminent Ends and Beginnings

Today I realized 2010 is almost over.

I'm not traumatized per se, especially because the end of the year brings Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, and then New Year's quickly followed by our annual Vermont ski vacation. Plus, by this point I'm over 2010 anyway. I'm more than ready to be a year older and start planning a new set of adventures.

However, I also have to face my list of creative goals for the year. So far I've crossed off seven of my 17 goals, which isn't terrible, but I also need to be realistic about my outlook for the next two months: I'll have a class to contend with for most of that time, I'll be away for a week and a half surrounding Christmas and New Year's, I have a five-minute video to produce for work before November 9, and my cat is terminally ill. I have plenty of distractions to keep me busy.

More and more, I've been assessing my goals against the backdrop of doing NaNoWriMo this year. Granted, winning again in 2011 is on my list of goals, but doing so would come at the cost of many others. I may not get to declutter the house, learn a song well on the piano, or fill three notebooks. Maybe most importantly, I may not finish the next draft of my current novel, and I'm absolutely committed to getting that done.

Hard as it may be, I might need to prioritize my other goals, plenty of which include writing. In fact, I may even resolve to do something creative every day in November, as a reminder that even though I'm not writing a novel, the month should still be dedicated to meeting my goals and getting things done.

More than the year being nearly over, the important realization here is how much of life is about choices and managing a finite number of resources. But that's another post—maybe even one involving video game metaphors. For now, I need to spend the last week of October regrouping and figuring out how to make the end of 2010 the best it can be!

Portraits in Clothing

When I saw a post about an upcoming opening on the Bmore Art blog, my first thought was "huh, that's a sort of interesting abstract painting. I wonder if the artist just used the tube of paint right on the canvas."

Then I looked closer at the image. Then I read more of the post. Turns out, Derrick Melander creates his work from second-hand clothing. The resulting sculptural pieces weigh anywhere from 500 pounds to two tons.

I think Melander's work is fascinating not just because of the narrative inherent in secondhand clothing. Each piece has a mature, well-executed concept that can keep you thinking about it on and off for days. Like the piece pictured here, for example. Here's an excerpt from Melander's website:

In a former nun's quarters, I filled a doorway with second-hand clothing, walling off an interior space. Garments reclaimed from previous projects were randomly ordered, resulting in distinct value layers (which you can see if you squint a bit). More than any other work I have created, this piece reminds me of a geological cross-section.

I named this piece silence to address my mixed feelings about religion. On the one hand, I am regularly discriminated against by various religious leaders and individuals for being gay. On the other hand, I was raised a Christian. I've been the benefactor of Christian generosity (the space granted for this show for example). In the context of this heavily symbolic space, silence refers to self-oppression, to a spiritual vow of silence and also to the fact that these works absorb sound.

Melander has a show up at University of Maryland College Park's Stamp Gallery until December 11. I definitely think it will be worth the trip to check it out.

Changing Place

Last week, I got a text message from a neighbor and friend asking if I'd like to keep her company on her porch. She was writing a research paper, so I grabbed my laptop and headed over to join her. Our neighborhood is full of brick rowhomes with fantastic covered porches, perfect for writing or enjoying wine and cheese. In fact, the porch is one of my favorite features in (or out) of the house.

Little did I know, this would kick off several similar gatherings, some on my porch, some on hers. For the first time in months, I was spending significant time editing my manuscript with what seemed like hardly any effort to sit down and get focused.

Sometimes, changing your venue can work wonders for your creative process. For months, I've focused on making my creative space somewhere I feel great about. Sometimes, getting out of that space and writing with a friend, at a coffee shop, or on the porch can yield just as much productivity and good work.

Word Count vs. Inspiration

Sometimes (well, many times) I set goals that are just a bit lofty. I nearly always fall short of them, and then I feel compelled to ask myself why: am I not working hard enough? Am I not dedicated enough? Do I not have what it takes? Or do I just need to tone down my perfectionism and high standards?

Hint: the answer is usually that last one, the one about unreasonable standards...

This month, though, one of my goals turned out to be way too easy. I wanted to make sure I read a script or saw a play, and guess what? I burned through Cruel Intentions on the drive to Pennsylvania last weekend and I'm eager for me!

The scales have bee tipping ever closer to a rebel year for NaNoWriMo. All signs point to a completed stage play on December 1. The only problem: winning.

"Winning" NaNoWriMo means writing 50,000 words, and that's a bit (well, a lot) long for a script. I've gotten suggestions to over-write it or include my planning documents, but I don't want to practice bad form just for word count and my process involves very little outlining.

More likely than not, I'm going to have to redefine "winning." I'm either going to have to trick the little blue bar into tipping 50,000 or I'm going to have to call it a success if I have a completed script at 11:59 on November 30. But really, NaNoWriMo is about the adventure, about writing with abandon, and about exiting the month with a completed draft you never thought you'd hold in your hands. And wouldn't that be true even if I didn't pad my stage play to three times its weight with overly directorial, flowery descriptions?

New Direction and Call for Artists!

Last week, I started to wonder aloud about my direction with this blog. It has spent over a year in its baby stages, and I feel like it's ready to branch out into the world.

Since I launched it in July 2009, Mix Tapes & Scribbles has been about my creative journey, and what it means to live in the world as an artist. For me, this has meant exploring different mediums, finding my true calling, balancing distractions and self-doubt, and realizing my true calling could change on a semi-annual basis if it felt right.

Moving forward, the blog will still chronicle this personal journey. However, I'd like to open it up to feature other artists' journeys as well. Rather than talking about the "art scene" and what important shows are happening, these artists will be people like me: people who may have changed media, people who have struggled, people who love their work and have had to make tough decisions between art and job and family. Everyday artists who wander the world creating meaning every day.

Before launching this portion of the blog, though, I want to gather a critical mass of features and interviews so I can actually keep a reliable schedule.

Here's where you come in:

I'm seeking visual artists, actors, and writers (there is some flexibility there) who aren't exclusively supporting themselves with their art. In addition, I'm going to make sure I dedicate a percentage of my features to artists whose work centers on LGBT issues. Interviews would be done online, so geography isn't an issue. I'm looking to explore the interplay between life and art, what keeps us going, and how we do our work.

Sound like you or anyone you know? Please drop me an email at mixtapesandscribbles [at] gmail [dot] com or leave me a note in the comments.

(Edit 10/18/2010: a number of people seem to have gotten the impression I am looking exclusively for artists with an LGBT focus in their work, which is not the case. While I am putting that out there to make sure they are always represented in my features, I'm seeking writers, actors, and visual artists of all stripes.)

I'm really excited about this new (or expanded, really) direction for the blog. My real and true hope is to have enough interviews ready to go to launch it in November, but we'll see how it goes. I'll keep you posted!

And I'd be remiss if I didn't close out this entry by saying thank you to everyone who already reads Mix Tapes & Scribbles and supports me with comments, emails, chat messages, etc. There's no way I'd still be blogging without you!

October Creative Goals

October has made its entrance, and it promises to be busy! After looking over my goals for September, here's October's lineup:

• 15 days of  20+ minutes of writing or editing.
  (This one's staying the same, since I didn't get there last month)
• Get a new draft of my novel ready to give to my second round of beta readers by November 1, when a new NaNoWriMo will be upon us.
• Finish the short story draft I started in August.
• Read a script or see a play.
• Come up with some kind of idea for NaNoWriMo, and maybe even decide to do a rebel project (short story collection or script, as opposed to a novel).
• Clear out the basement, which I didn't get to finish last month.
• I volunteered to make a video piece for our big annual event at work. I'm hoping to get some great footage and put together something I can be proud of.
• Get back to the piano, now that it's freshly tuned.

I realize I haven't written much lately, and that makes me sad. I think that means I have another goal: create more and share more!

Here's to a great October! Up soon: the return of visual art, tough decisions, and the long-neglected manuscript!

September Goal Review

Happy October! It's a new month, and time to look back on my goals for September. Some went well and some...not so well. I got hit by illness, allergies, and a sick cat and husband to boot, but that's just life. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's rarely such a thing as extenuating circumstances. So here we go:

• 15 days of  20+ minutes of writing or editing.
  Not too shabby: I did 50% more writing in September than August, and even though I fell just short of my goal at 12 days, I'm pleased.
• Work on editing my novel manuscript on at least 10 separate days.
  This is bad news. I worked on it for 5 days, folks.
• Set a date for a creative retreat weekend in late fall/winter.
  Done and done! I'll be writing at the beach in mid-November.
• Finish the short story draft I started in August.
  Another no-go. I sent it to a friend to read over for me, but then decided I needed to let it rest for a month. This goal gets bumped to October.
• Get my hands on some script-writing resources, or team up with someone who knows a thing or two about stage/screenwriting. Set a goal for starting a draft (and make sure it doesn't conflict with NaNoWriMo).
  So I didn't do this, I'm sad about not doing this, and there's really no reason for not doing this. Huh.
• See Five Women Wearing the Same Dress at Mobtown Theater.
  Mission: accomplished. I may write more about it later, but I was underwhelmed by the experience considering how excited I was to see the show. Incidentally, I also volunteered at—and stayed to watch—Natural Selection at Single Carrot Theatre and thought it was just great. I feel like it was a better script, but I also feel like Single Carrot is just great, so there it is.
• Register for NaNoWriMo 2010.
  Just jumping in and doing it.
• Completely empty the portion of the basement I want to remodel, down to nothing but the bare floor and walls, and revise my budget/supply list for the project.
  (This will help get me closer to both a decluttered house and a better office/writing space.)
  I'm working on this, but it's a little more strenuous than I expected, so it's not quite done yet. Here's a picture though:
  
  
• Get out of the house for some cafe writing!
  Did it once, should try to do it more.

All in all, not to bad! Are you looking forward to October? Setting any new personal goals?

What's It All About?

Within the past week, I've seen two plays. As a result, I found myself wanting to resurrect my onetime identity as an arts and entertainment writer, reviewing shows I see in my corner of the city. That led me to wonder whether such reviews would be a worthwhile addition to my blog, which brings up my most dreaded question: is the blog about what I want to say, or what readers want to read?

I shut down my previous blog, Words + Images, because it became a chore. It stopped enriching my life. A couple months later I returned to blogging with Mix Tapes & Scribbles, which has followed a much more freeform posting schedule, featured more personal topics, and chronicled my creative journey more than regular happenings in the art world at large.

I sacrificed hit counts, opportunities to represent the Baltimore art blogging community, and probably some other perks I haven't even considered. But I firmly believe that a blog takes years to establish, and this one has way more potential. Why? Because it's genuine.

However, I still haven't answered the question: how much of blogging comes from a marketing mindset? How much should writers be considering their target audience with every word they write? A recent post on Write to Done states:

Every post you write should satisfy a core desire for you and deliver a real benefit for your reader.  If you are simply writing to satisfy yourself then purchase a moleskin notebook and write away.  But if you want to blog publicly then you owe it to readers to deliver real value.

I think I first need to find more blogs on the creative process—how creative people live. Then I need to figure out where I fit in, even if it doesn't change my end product at all. This sentiment springs from the old adage: you can't create art in a vacuum. Any artist is responsible for knowing who else is producing similar work, and we should be able to compare and contrast them intelligently, as well as explain our own work succinctly.


On that note, do you know anyone else who blogs about the creative process? Whether you're the type who likes to email feedback to me or post it in the comments, please let me know if there's something I should be adding to my reading list!

There and Back Again.

When I wrapped up my undergraduate degree (BFA with a concentration in painting), I had some seriously conflicted emotions about my art.

Firstly, transferring schools once and changing majors three times in my college career had resulted in a sprint to graduate on time: loading up on fine art studios and absolutely immersing myself in art-making. This sounds great in theory, but it was a recipe for burnout. That's even before you factor in the ironic fact that in the beginning, I'd rejected a BFA in music performance at Berklee in favor of a BA in psychology at Lehigh, and why? Well, I'd gotten the idea that performance degrees demanded you reject everything else you loved in life, including writing and visual arts, and I didn't feel I could make that sacrifice.

After an intense run as a linguistic thinker and learner in a painter's clothing, I graduated intent on identifying as a photographer. Despite countless hours in the painting studio working toward my concentration, my best artwork—and the stuff I felt most deeply in my heart—was my photography.

Yet, my adult life has thrown my into more than one identity crisis. Most recently, I've embraced writing again. Incidentally, writing and photography were my first art forms, and remain the ones I gravitate to the most.

Everything comes full circle eventually, though. Last week I went shopping with a friend and inexplicably found myself at Barnes & Noble buying a copy of Artforum, of all things. I made a birthday card last week from magazine cutouts (every art kid remembers those cutout projects, right?). I've been making plans for Instamatic photography, reloading cartridge film, returning to my darkroom. Strangest of all, as I take a mallet and crowbar to my basement and turn it into a blank canvas, I'm feeling a need to draw an art corner into my plans. I want to leave room to tack up a canvas, put in a drawing table, make a collage.

Huh?

I guess I just needed some time to cool off, write a novel, get a piano in my house, take a voice class. Now that I'm free to do anything, I'm going to do just that—in whatever medium feels right.